Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

I have a photography project due next week (Gasp!) and it has to show symbolism and abstract and since I have been listening to John Mayer (only the last 6 months or so) I am always picturing photos in the songs- especially “Slow Dancing in a Burning Room”. So I’ve decided to do my project based on the song. I got out of a “burning room” relationship a year ago and it was the most freeing thing. Some people have said horrible things about me as if falling out of love didn’t make me feel bad enough. For someone who has never experienced it here’s a little description:

He was my best friend and more. I was completely consumed with my love for him and KNEW that we would be together forever. He brought out the best in me and vice verse. I could tell him anything and he always knew how to make me feel better and he always had my back. I would have done anything for this person. We shared secrets that I would forget I knew because I would have never betrayed him. He’s devastated me so badly that I’ve cried painfully; sobbing on the ground where I thought I would die. He’s made me laugh harder than anyone and made me happier than I ever thought I would be. He really accepted me for the person I was (sometimes I think he’s the only person who could)…

And then somehow it stopped. The two people who were madly in love changed… not the love, I suppose, because to this day I can still feel the love for the person he was and I suppose from a place that I used to be. But circumstances changed somehow between moving and having only each other and less friend time and more “home” time in a place where he was the only person I had and maybe I depended on him or resented him and then he no longer had my back and I was just no longer consumed by him and he no longer accepted the person I was although he claimed to still love me and I just wanted my best friend back and it wasn’t happening. I was pulling away and searching for the things I was missing and it was the burning room that was consuming us. I’m grateful he had the strength to say goodbye because I am not sure I could have initiated the end of us. Maybe I would have let us burn. Maybe he saved us just in time.
To this day sometimes I miss him so much and I need a reminder why we’re not together and why I shouldn’t call him and tell him how much I miss him.

I think that too many people stay in these relationships for too long. I’m at a point now where I am not interested in wasting time. I’m not going to be with someone who is just ok. I could have lived the rest of my life with this person being ok… but it’s just not good enough. I understand as much as the next girl that saying goodbye to someone you have spent so much time and shared so many great memories with is hard and you have to adjust to being alone but isn’t it worth it?

I’d rather be alone and have the opportunity to meet someone fantastic than be in a relationship that is lacking.

Is this unreasonable? Honestly… I’d like to know what other people think

Teen Mom

Ohhhh I just need to rant for a minute!
Ok.. so yes, Farah’s mom is completely unstable and has hit her and now Farrah is no longer allowed to live with her as per social services. Last night we find out that the father of Farrah’s daughter, Sophia, died after Farrah had cut him out of her life. OKAY but none of this excuses Farrah for leaving Sophia out in the hallway while she is inside the apartment with the door closed or leaving her in the SINK (where she can easily fall out or turn on the hot water…) or telling Sophia she will not put up with her temper tantrums and turning the lights off… the kid is one year old… she doesn’t understand. She wants food, a clean diaper, attention and LOVE. Man that kid is going to be messed up… I really hope it is all scripted :(

Stop putting yourself down!

Far too often I see girls on facebook putting themselves down. I have seen beautiful, tall, slim girls saying things such as "I need breast implants". Really? C'mon! Or the famous "DELETE" on photos. Now I must say I am guilty of this one at times... if the picture is flat out bad. Not when it's actually an OK or better than OK photo. I don't know if

A) these girls do it for the attention: "What do you mean? Implants? You have great breasts!" (haha) or "No way! It's a super good picture! You're sooooo pretty!" or

B) they actually feel that these things are true.

Either way- it sucks! We shouldn't have to be reassured that we are pretty or have a good body.. although OF COURSE it is nice to hear :) I suppose this stems from a culture over saturated with "perfect" models, celebrities, fellow facebookers, and the fact that men have this all thrown in their faces on a regular basis so we feel that we are constantly competing and that we're never good enough. The book I'm reading has touched on the competition side and I feel that it's just awful. Why aren't we just good enough? I'll say this much I know is true from taking my first course in Photoshop: magazine photos aren't real. Nobody is perfect... and perfection is objective.

"So Long, Insecurity"

I just started reading a book today called "So Long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore. I only read about 9 pages killing time before work this morning and I already cried a little. I think I am really going to like this book. I feel like too many of us women are insecure. Just one example is thinking when a relationship ends that it is somehow our fault and that the guy is so great and poor us. I hear this a lot and I have also said it and it's not the case. Unless you are a nut job... it's not your fault. I heard some talk about the book "He's Just Not That Into You" (which I read years ago) on the radio this morning and I really feel this is the case. Sometimes life is a little less complex than we think it is. I think we spend too much time analyzing things and not enough time with our minds open enough to realize it just wasn't happening. Maybe this happens in long relationships and maybe it's a little more complex than just not being into a person such as problems in the relationship or whatever it may be but I think the bottom line is if you were really into the person you would be into making it work. Maybe at one time you were and now you're just not. That's just the way life works sometimes and it hurts but that's it.

I've felt for a while that I didn't want to post anything personal or too "deep" (hah) but I have been inspired by my friend who has just started a blog about her adventures in online dating:

http://justagirlinadatingworld.blogspot.com/

She's funny and more articulate than I am :) So if anyone reads this... check out her blog too!

2 posts in one day!!! :)

This is what I see 5 days a week when I get off the bus to go to work in the morning and every day I want to take a photo of it so I finally did :)
He he he! I just like Kiana's head peeking up in the broken window of the ghetto metro area.

Little legssss

I finally posted a display picture!!! This is it. Can't see what I look like. Just as well I because I am not a fan or my hair right now :)

I think that might be all for me tonight but I am going to try to post some more tomorrow!

A few new pictures!

I am getting ready to have an anti-valentine night with some friends but I thought I would post a little first cause I am constantly slacking!! Here you go!!

Here's a picture that I took of Kiana today at Angrinon park. It was sooo cold! Look at those cheeks!

Scott and Ava from Emily's birthday party last week!

This is the story of Kiana deciding to take a HUGE bite of her lunch only to discover it was too hot and in the biggest picture she is spitting it out :) Lovely!

YAY!!!!